Valabarb™

Message, from the Leader

 

Hello & welcome to my clan site! Please make yourself at home while you're reading it. Take off your shoes, loosen your pants, make those funny at hoe faces that we all do, be comfortable! On the other hand, if you're reading this in a more public place, a plane, a train, in a jury's box during a trial, it might serve you better to be a little less comfortable. but wherever you reading this site, please remember that taking of flash photographs is strictly forbidden!

 

Now, you may want to know why I'm creating this clan. Well, there are a number of very good reasons, most of which I forgot the moment I sat down to write. 1 thing that you should know should you get tired of changing clans and decide to start one on your own, I would suggest doing this only, and I mean ONLY... after you tried out our clan! Starting a clan is hard work, you can't just sit there staring at your iPad and wait for members to magically appear. Believe me! I tried doing that for 5 months and I didn't get a single member.

 

Suddenly, all this talking of starting a clan is making me feel overwhelmed. I need to take a break, excuse me... okay, I'm back. I went to brush my teeth, just 3 of them. I never do all at once. That by the way is an excellent way to pass time. Hygiene is important anyway as we all know, so TAKE YOUR TIME and brush. Then floss, flossing is key, you must floss. Don't even think for a second that you can get away with not flossing. Always floss! I can't stress it enough! If you get nothing else from this clan, I hope you not only think to yourself "I must floss!", but pass it along to your love ones and acquaintances. Floss Floss Floss!

 

Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, why a new clan? Seriously, why? There's so many clans already, what could I possibly have to offer that is different than the millions or at least thousands of clans. Perhaps you're hoping to learn a thing or 2. Insights on the meaning of a clasher or even how to to be content most of the time. I've been interested in the deeper meaning of this existence for a long time, I assume we all are, judging by the hopping of clans to help us find the answers, but I haven't found one that says anything very different. They all sort of say the same thing. I suppose I can put down my own ideas of what I think could at least be a good start to happines if you're interested. Well, you are?! Okay then.

 

1) Be nice to everyone, even though you don't want to and you may not like them. Be kind, friendly, respectful, even if they're not nice to you. That way you're not dragged down to their level. Also, there's nothing more that annoys arrogant clashers more than people being nice to them.

 

2) Floss! Everyday floss! As discussed in addition to the afore mentioned perks, it encourages healthy gums and makes your teeth feel secure when you're eating something difficult like apples or corn on a cob.

 

3) Try to have some quiet time everyday. I know its hard, don't tell me. Its getting to be near impossible to find silence with the TV, iPad, kids, leaf blowers, helicopters, traffic, birds, dog's barking, your parents or wife yellow from the front of the car, "Stop flossing! You're going to get us all killed!". But try to put time aside to listen to YOU. Its easy to forget what YOU want, who YOU are with all the noise. Check in with YOU everyday, or at least on New Year's Eve.

 

4) Exercise! Any form of movement will do. Stretching keeps you limber, young & energised! My favourite exercise is walking a block and a half to buy fudge, then I call a cab to get back home. There's never a need to overdo anything!

 

5) Drink lots of water. I can't function unless I drink alot of water. My favourite way to drink water is to put it in a tray, make ice cubes, then put 1 of those cubes into a big old glass of coke, let's have some now shall we? I thought of having this site written in entirely capital letters, so as a narrator, it would seem like I'm SHOUTING THE WHOLE TIME! I LIKE THE IDEA OF ME SHOUTING IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HEADS! IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL! Back to the happiness list.

 

6) Know you are special! How do you know that? Because you're reading about this clan. You're already 2 steps ahead of those losers who didn't read about this clan. Look, they aren't special, when they finally do decide to read about this clan, then they too will be special because they have chosen this clan but you will still be 2 or 3 or even more steps ahead! But I know when you read about this clan, you're ahead! Imagine being the last person to read about this clan. I pray that doesn't happen to anyone. If word keeps spreading about the magical powers of this clan, the joy it gives, the wonders, the life of farming, the life changing results it gives, then that would make me happy!

 

Phew! I hope you enjoy reading about this clan as much as I enjoy writing it, but before I say goodbye, let me... Oh, excuse me, that's the phone, let me get it in case its important, so I'm going to put you on hold now... okay! I'm back! That's my friend, apparently he wants more about the clan on this site. He wants it  more than 1 page. Suddenly I'm not so happy anymore. I better re-read this introduction and if I have the chance, floss.